Rumblings of Ruin

Yesterday was day 12 of my new healthier outlook, and right on schedule, some negative, derailing thoughts started creeping in. I was in a bad mood because our AC is on the fritz, it was 94 degrees outside, and our landlord isn’t taking it seriously. So I was grumpy and then realized I had overeaten a little at lunch and couldn’t fit dessert within my calorie allotment. Granted, I haven’t given myself any hard and fast rules about calories yet, but since I’m tracking my food every day, I want to see if I can eat within a small calorie deficit sustainably. And my brain started whispering things like “you’ve done so well, treat yourself” and  “you’ve had a hard day, you deserve ice cream”.

I definitely need to address the fact that I think dessert is a prize for doing well or enduring hardship.

I’m proud that I recognized that wanting dessert was simply an emotional reaction because I was hot and unhappy. I wanted a cool treat to soothe myself. And honestly, I could have had my 150 calorie ice cream sandwich and it would not have been the end of the world. But I wasn’t actually hungry for it, and I want to break the cycle of emotional eating. I ended up eating a 44 calorie chocolate square instead, and it satiated me.

I’m still not sure I did the right thing. Maybe I should have just eaten the ice cream and then had less food the next day. Maybe I shouldn’t have had any treat after dinner at all. Maybe I should have found an alternative activity to soothe my mind. I’m still figuring this out.

But I’m not berating myself, I’m just trying to learn what works. Or I could just plan to never be unhappy again. That’s a viable option, right?