April 2021

So I am feeling proud of myself in this moment. Cataloguing my hurdles here has made me understand them more completely. I understand now that my struggles loop, ever-cycling within my own brain. And I can’t fix anything just by cycling through the struggle loop faster. I need an escape from my own thoughts. I need help.

I hate asking for help, so it’s taken me almost 40 years to ask for help with my health. I have asked a psychologist for help with my mental health. I visit with her online every 3 weeks. I have asked a trainer for help with my physical health. I see her twice a week before the sun rises. I have asked a friend for help with staying motivated. We share our setbacks and accomplishments daily. I have asked my husband for help keeping it all going. We have shifted our finances to make the training sessions work. He is on standby every morning in case David wakes up early before I get home from the gym. And he is here loving me every day, even when I make missteps over missteps.

So now I have all these people helping me, and I am very thankful to be privileged enough to have access to their help. I am also proud of me for letting them help.

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