Category Archives: Non-Scale Victories

April 2021

So I am feeling proud of myself in this moment. Cataloguing my hurdles here has made me understand them more completely. I understand now that my struggles loop, ever-cycling within my own brain. And I can’t fix anything just by cycling through the struggle loop faster. I need an escape from my own thoughts. I need help.

I hate asking for help, so it’s taken me almost 40 years to ask for help with my health. I have asked a psychologist for help with my mental health. I visit with her online every 3 weeks. I have asked a trainer for help with my physical health. I see her twice a week before the sun rises. I have asked a friend for help with staying motivated. We share our setbacks and accomplishments daily. I have asked my husband for help keeping it all going. We have shifted our finances to make the training sessions work. He is on standby every morning in case David wakes up early before I get home from the gym. And he is here loving me every day, even when I make missteps over missteps.

So now I have all these people helping me, and I am very thankful to be privileged enough to have access to their help. I am also proud of me for letting them help.

2 Months In

Starting Weight: 278 pounds
Current Weight: 259 pounds
Weight Lost: 19 pounds

I have logged all my food on MFP for 60 days in a row! Woot! Woot! It seems everyone has a different timescale for what makes a habit. I have logged for 2 months now, but I wouldn’t call it a habit yet, it’s more like a benign chore. Just something that needs to be done in order to function as an adult, like cleaning the kitchen. I don’t really mind and I feel better once I’ve done it.

After I felt myself losing focus last week, I made the following list of Scale and Non-Scale Victories that I am looking forward to checking off:

Scale Goals:

✔ Down 10 lbs: 268 lbs
☐ Down 25 lbs: 253 lbs
☐ Weigh <250 lbs by John and Sam’s wedding (Sept 20, 2019)
☐ Lose more than my son weighs: ~243 lbs
☐ Down 50 lbs: 228 lbs
☐ Weigh less than my husband: 224 lbs
☐ Under 100 kg: 220 lbs
☐ BMI Class 2 Obese: 215 lbs (39.3 bmi)
☐ Onderland: 199 lbs
☐ BMI Class 1 Obese: 188 lbs (34.4 bmi)
☐ 100 lbs down: 178 lbs
☐ BMI Class Overweight: 161 lbs (29.4 bmi)
☐ Reached Goal Weight: 160 lbs
☐ Lose ~1.2 lbs/week on average

 Non-Scale Goals:

☐ Someone notices my weight loss
☐ Wedding ring fits on ring finger
☐ Fit into 2x company cotton polo
☐ Fit into wedding dress
☐ Ride a rollercoaster without worry
☐ Take an airplane without worry
☐ Buy clothes in standard shops
☐ Fit into skinny clothes box
☐ My husband is able to lift me up

It really helps me to focus on the small scale victories. Looking at  losing 100+ pounds is simply daunting and seemingly insurmountable. But my next scale goal is just 6 pounds away!

Mistakes are proof that you are trying.

I can feel myself slipping out of weightloss mode. It all started with chocolate cake.

After watching myself fail at healthy eating habits my whole life, I’ve learned that I never intentionally end a diet or weight loss plan. It just sort of slips down from the top of my mind into the forgotten realm, like a dream. And I can feel it start to happen this time.

We celebrated my mother’s birthday on Friday night, and I made a chocolate cake with buttercream icing for her. My first round of icing tasted weird so I found a new recipe and tried again, futzing with it until it tasted right and had the right consistency. Which meant I ended up eating some of it, and even a little bit of buttercream is a whooole lotta calories. Plus, my mom requested spaghetti and meatballs for dinner. I had successfully avoided plate fulls of pasta for the past 8 weeks until Friday night. The pasta plus the cake meant I ate nearly 3,000 calories on Friday! That’s almost double my daily allotment. It made me so tired – I fell asleep at 9:30pm.

Then the weekend wasn’t very focused. I ate pizza on Saturday and fried chicken on Sunday, both at family events. Eesh. I’m starting to notice a trend. Family = overeating.

So today I am avoiding the scale. I’m so afraid the number that pops up will completely demotivate me. If my weight is up then I’ll feel hopeless, and if the number is down, I will learn that overeating is okay. So the scale will stay in the corner of the bathroom today. Maybe tomorrow.

NSV: I am proud that I continued to track everything I ate even when I overdid it. It’s so hard to admit and record your own weaknesses. It’s like turning in a test you know you failed. But I did it, and that’s progress.

I am also thankful that I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. I need the accountability.

When Up is Down

The last few days have been difficult. The number on the scale went up even though I have been tracking all my food and staying close to my calorie goal. I do not want to be a slave to the scale so I limit my weigh-in to once a week. And I know, I know… sodium, pms, stress, glycogen, blah, blah, blah. It’s just so very demotivating when you’re expecting a loss and see a gain.

But this is not nearly enough to thwart my efforts, right? Right.

So let’s focus on the positive. I spoke with my husband about designating one evening a week and a corner of our apartment to my artwork. He has already started clearing out the area for me. I also have my first ever therapy appointment today. Haven’t chickened out yet. Progress.

I hope the therapist is a good fit and not a whackadoo who tries to smudge the weight off me. We’ll see.